Fear of Intimacy: First Sign is Faking Sleep

Are you guilty of faking sleep to avoid getting intimate with your partner? If you answered yes, then maybe you have a fear of intimacy.

We all fake sleep sometimes – maybe your partner wants to get physical but you’re exhausted so you fake sleep, or maybe you’re not in the mood. Faking sleep occasionally is normal, but when it starts to cause a strain in your relationship, then it’s about time you evaluate why you’re doing the behavior in the first place.

Fear of Intimacy: What is It?

What is fear of intimacy? Well, fear of intimacy is also called intimacy avoidance or intimacy anxiety. Intimacy, or the need to get close with someone emotionally, intellectually, sexually, and experientially, is a basic human need. The human desire to bond and belong to another person is more than just a want, but it’s actually associated with survival. Those who live in isolation or don’t have any close relationships are known to have lower mortality rates than those who have a strong network of friends and family.

Intimacy is one’s ability to share your true self with another person. Fear of intimacy, therefore, is the avoidance of deep and meaningful relationships. It could be a platonic, romantic, or familial relationship. As long as you’re avoiding, fearful, or lack any of this kind of relationship, then maybe you suffer from a fear of intimacy.

What are the Signs that You Have a Fear of Intimacy?

If you’re unsure whether or not you have a fear of intimacy, there are things you can watch out for to figure out if you do suffer from this predicament.

Here are some of the most obvious signs:

You Fake Sleep When Your Partner Attempts to Get Intimate

Your partner may attempt to kiss you, start foreplay, or cuddle with you in bed but you fake sleep so you don’t get physically intimate with him. Or your partner could be sharing something that happened at work that day but you don’t want to listen, so you fake sleep to avoid talking about it.  Fake sleeping can be your means to avoid getting emotionally or physically intimate with your partner.

You Don’t Share Extremely Personal Experiences with Your Partner

You may have a very shallow connection with your partner. Yes, you go out to dinner, you are sexually intimate, you live together, but then you never talk about your past, you never talk about your childhood, and you never share your dreams and aspirations. You simply have shallow and superficial relationship with no deeper, emotional bond.

You Are a Perfectionist

You believe that you have to have control over anything and everything. You require your partner to call you as soon as they get to work, or as soon as they log out of work. You also have a need to make sure you are the best employee in your department, you get the apartment that you want, and your cooking is always on-point.

The need to make sure everything goes according to your plans is a sign that you may have a fear of abandonment or rejection. Deep inside, you believe that one flaw or one mistake can make your partner leave. That is why you need to control everything and everyone around you so they never discover who you really are – which, you believe, is someone that no one will ever love.


When you realize these signs are showing up in your life, it’s time to take a moment and accept that you may have a fear of intimacy. If it’s causing a problem in your current relationship, it may be time to stop, evaluate yourself, or maybe seek professional help.  Overcoming this fear might just be the answer to having the relationship and the life that you deserve